Bedtime B.S.

Why, oh why, do my children not go to bed when told? Bedtime is 7:00 PM every night. Sometimes if something special is going on, or we are not home yet, it gets pushed back to 8-ish. They need this early bedtime because they have growing little bodies and they get up early (6AM-ish).

I need them to have this early bedtime because I don't have Xanax.

A typical night:

6:00 PM - homework is done, dinner is being served.
6:15 PM - everyone is done hoovering the meal, I send one to brush teeth, the other to pajamafy
6:25 PM - the other brushes teeth while the first pajamafies
6:35 PM - I brush the girl's hair and remind the boy to use the bathroom
6:40 PM - I offer to read, sometimes they would prefer to play
6:50 PM - I tackle the baby and change her diaper, put her in PJ's, brush her teeth
7:00 PM - radio is on, fan is on, baby is in her crib cooing to herself
7:01 PM - I announce bedtime - suddenly there is something forgotten in the school backpack, needs to get a drink, can't find loveys
7:15 PM - I am trying to coax the boy out from under the dining table like a cat from a tree
7:30 PM - The girl needs a drink, decides to ask questions like "Who made God?"
7:40 PM - I hear the boy sneaking into the girls' room to play
7:40:30 - The baby gets woken up and starts crying
7:41 PM - I am dragging the boy out from under the girls' bunk-bed
7:42 PM - 3 kids and one momma are in tears, but at least all the kids are finally in their beds
7:50 PM - Either the boy sneaks back into the girls' room or the girl goes into his room
7:51 PM - Threats ensue
8:00 PM - more similar nonsense, Momma starts looking for duct tape
8:30 PM - (if I'm lucky) they start to settle down
9:00 PM - I could have wine, but I don't drink wine, but I have a pounding headache, and can finally begin to relax and start thinking about doing homework
12-1 AM - I finally give up being productive and go to bed
~5:30 AM - The boy comes and tells me he wet the bed and he wants to sleep with me.